Sailing the seven internets since dial-up
Blockchain, HODL, gas fees — it all sounds like gibberish until you realize pirates invented most of this stuff centuries ago, just with more scurvy. Here's your full glossary, translated from tech-bro to buccaneer.
Armed with a paper chart, a plastic sextant knockoff, and dangerously misplaced confidence, I attempted to cross a mid-sized lake the way Blackbeard's navigator would have. Spoiler: I now owe an apology to every dead reckoning sailor I ever mocked in a history class.
Every October, America dresses up as a pirate who never existed. We dug into naval portraits, court records, and shipwreck archaeology to find out what real buccaneers looked like — and honestly, the truth is weirder than the wig.
Remember when pirates were the bad guys raiding content on the high seas? Turns out the streaming platforms learned the trade — hoarding, ransoming, and making whole libraries walk the plank. A nostalgic look at how we lost the golden age of the internet.
For one month, I ate nothing a 1700s sailor couldn't have stowed below deck — hardtack, salted pork, and a grog so sad my friends staged an intervention. Here's the full log of my culinary mutiny against the 21st century.
Dry eyes, creaky knees, and a mysterious fondness for citrus — sound familiar? Turns out your cubicle and the gun deck of a man-of-war have more in common than HR would like to admit. A deeply unqualified guide to pirate-era medicine for the modern office worker.
Seven days of 4 a.m. watch shifts, hammock sleeping, and diet grog — all in the name of journalism. Here's my logbook from the U.S.S. Studio Apartment, and the surprising parts of pirate life I'm actually keeping.
Once upon a time, American workplaces had themed parties, and some of them involved tricorn hats and plastic swords. We mourn the loss of the corporate pirate costume day and propose a quarterly truce in the war on workplace whimsy.
Blackbeard didn't just exist in movies — he haunted real coves, inlets, and islands you can stand on this summer. We rank six genuine pirate-adjacent American destinations, separate the treasure from the tourist traps, and dig up the strangest true story at each stop.
Tiki drinks never really walked the plank — they just went below deck for a few decades. From TikTok mixologists to dive-bar scurvy specials, nautical drinking culture is making a full-throated comeback, and we've got the beginner-friendly recipes to prove it.
There's a shadow economy running on eyeliner, tricorn hats, and the phrase 'arrr' deployed with perfect timing. We talked to the reenactors, ren faire regulars, and cruise-ship buccaneers who've turned playing pirate into a full-time job — and it's more competitive than you'd think.
Talk Like a Pirate Day started as an Oregon bar bet and somehow ended up on Krispy Kreme menus nationwide. We chart the course of America's most successful manufactured holiday — and admit we're not even mad about it.
Before you toss that shoebox of old tech, take a closer look — those AOL trial discs and floppy disks might be worth real doubloons to collectors. Here's your treasure map to the physical relics of the early internet.
Every dead website is a shipwreck, and we've got a map. From GeoCities' neon-lit under-construction gifs to Flash game portals that ate entire childhoods, here are seven beloved sites that sank — and the storms that took them down.
Turns out actual pirates probably never bellowed 'yo ho ho' while hoisting rum — that honor goes to a Scottish novelist with a flair for the dramatic. We dig into how Robert Louis Stevenson accidentally wrote the entire pirate dictionary, and which 'authentic' sayings are pure Hollywood.